I won't forgive

Disaster is one part of life. forgivness is another..the ones who cause it can never be forgiven.. if they are forgiven then they are not forgotten. they are the heroes who have succeeded over your life..they have the superiority to rule over you..they judge your mood and your day..the kind of life you live today.. which is a dependant on someone.. not out of your choice because you have been abandoned by those super heroes is wat ur life is..

hence.. i wont forgive them... they who love you.. but couldn't satnd by you because of conventions... they who claimed to love you but actually wanted your flesh... ur resources.. ur identity... not your soul.. they who claim to be the closest.. mistrust you.. leave you alone...refuse to understand you...

if i wouldn't have been abandoned by choice by my own set of poeple i would not be having the fear of making new relationships, i wouldn't have to look out for outside resources to feel important... i will never forgive them who have made me what i am today.. an indecent dead soul.. n if she passes away.. this world would be least bothered..

finally.. if i happen to forgive any one of the above.. i will never forgive God to have given me what i have got.. i know no one in this world deserves this kind of life.. i would hate him to have given me this life.. n given me a heart which forgives..

my words-----on diwali

So many gods, so many creeds,
So many paths that wind and wind,
While just the art of being kind
Is all that this world needs.
But what is this art of kindness.. and where is the opportunity? I would say.. its on its way!!
A very good morning to all present here. today, I stand before you, not to preach but only to suggest that we all get an opportunity once in life to show that we care. Man is a social being and must live for the benefit of each others interests and well being. If our deeds are meant to harm anyone , then its not pious to perform them.
Dear friends, let us promise ourselves this diwali , that we all shall take care. . of each other. We all shall live for each others happiness. Let the sound of loud music and harmful crackers not take over the sound of worship, brightness of the colourful diyas and lights, love, compassion and cheers for mankind and our unity. Let this diwali be the true triumph of truth and happiness over evil-- thoughts of hatred, destruction and broken ties. Remember.. the crackers you burst not only cause pollution but behind their noise is the labour of small children who also like to study but have to work to feed their large families. Relieve them this year by not buying those crackers. Instead perform acts of kindness. Donate your pocket money to the people in need, buy gifts for your grandparents, and give away your old books to small children.
Bursting crackers and dancing on the tunes of Metallica will only provide you momentary happiness but your simple acts of kindness shall give you peace of a lifetime.

Today is that Day!!

My idea of perfect love?

With some one who is happy in your happiness... who is worried when you are sad.. when u r in trouble.. he makes effort to curb the problems.. on whose lap u forget all ur worries..n happiness.. when you are quiet....clueless.. alive yet lifeless.. like a leaf who is to be taken care by him..

but I guess.. I have done a blunder.. a big mistake.. that my god has not granted him to me..but I would just say.. god every one makes mistake.. but u have forgiven them.. and granted their wishes. m I not your child? today is that day.. grant me that wish.. one wish that I ask for.. my belief in you, ur beautiful creation that is me should stay alive.. don't you want this? I am waiting for your miraculous ending.. when my idealism holds true to the world. don't make me wait so much. that when it actually arrives.. I loose the sanity to realise, accept or be happy to recieve it. I dont think I would be able to stay that long.

The one.. who is polite, happy, loving, caring and does not take anyone for granted.
if i am kind, he should appreciate it and not use it.

Dear God,

hope uou are doing fine!! I would like to make that wish , light the candle, look into your eyes ans ask you... will you grant him to me.. he who loves me. he who respects me, he who would like to hold my hand forever and ever...and love me.. like no one ever loves anyone. I am sure you have not made me that bad. i am sure i am your loving child. I am sure you would not like anyone to hurt me. then why the delay? then why the betrayal? then why the half hearted incomplete relationships?
atleast once, don't give me hints that it wont happen.. give me an affirmation.

I hope you take my plea into your kind consideration..

yours affectionately
charu!

MY GOD!!

everyone in this world has a god.. believe me.. no one is an athiest... one's beliefs, principles in life are formulated as one's god...
that's a different thing that some people give it a virtual form and some adhere to a concrete one.any object from a mirror painting to a jewel.. can become a belief and a form of god.

and what if you loose that form? does your life come to an end? yes, to a certain extent.. the formulated god is the symbol of concreteness and the fullness of one's dignity, integrity and purity of actions and thoughts. once you loose your form of god, you loose the above mentioned traits in your personality.. you suddenly feel incomplete, shallow, narrow, hollow.. whichever way you describe it... the idea is to convey the sense of loss within.
and magically.. your life actually becomes sinful and pragmatic to the extent that you cross your boundaries of self to become an insane human bieng who is deteriorating at every level without his/ her knowledge..his actions are not in proportion to his thoughts. self respect, dignity, priority of life changes and gets mingled with the mud of the selfish world.. the big bad world.. you are used, killed at aevery level. you just do not realise it. thanks to the dreams that start to haunt you and finally make you realise of your fall. they show you how you are falling down the stairs again and again into the miseries. you become everything you hated to be. then comes the grand realisation of the loss of the god!! one can call it superstition but it holds true! those who loose a concrete form of thier god called superstitious...(like me..) and those who don't have a concrete representation of thier god with themselves, claim that they have lost thier consciousness... thier principalities.. whichever.. whatever... one has lost thier god anyway...

they say.. whatever goes.. comes back.. its a vicious circle and is supposed to get completed.. sooner or later...

so will the lost god ever return.. will the dignity ever come back? will i ever live again? will the lights show up again?

what can one say.. wait for the miraculous ending...

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

One feels really proud to watch a film like slumdog millionaire as an indian.. The view point is two edged however. One feels proud to see Jamal to live up to a life of miseries and hardships and finally live his dreams n his love life. On the other hand its sad to see the grim picture of Mumbai slums. But I recently read an article in a daily newspaper that many actors who were a part of this grim picture were paid too less.. rs. 50 to be precise. Are we( read the makers) not contradictory then? The slum areas are created then, not by anyone but by these rich filmakers. I am very sure that paying a little more to these actors would not have made a difference to the filmakers.They regret to see the ugly slums so that poeple wake up to react. but what have they done at thier end? Who are rich dudes even before they made a oscar winning film. None of us actually are bothered to improve upon the situation of these people who are living in such gross and unhygenic conditions. Rather the profit makers hire them for small "roles" to play in thier big projects and don't even pay them the required matched up amount.

Then we the rich dudes are actually called the slumdogs as we are poor from within.
What is required is that we all should gather up to do our little bit for people like these. Contributing money for them is just a simple way. Giving them education is another.

AFTERMATH

Aftermath... comes in many kinds of packages...destruction, annihilation, a complete change...but what it makes most of a human is DISHONEST. she is dishonest to evryone...even to herself... she pretends that no one has the tendency to hurt her anymore as she must have seen the worst..already...she pretends that if everyone leaves her she would still have the tendency to live all by herself..
wat a materialistic and vain life it is..and this materialistic object is what she starts to live by..doing the make-up over her face, wearing great clothes and heals..
she fears to go a shrine.. a temple..for that's a place where she can't hide herself... she is plain.. naked.. in front of the almighty...
she is exposed to herself..

but looking at the positive side.. atleast she can live and stand till the very edge...
she is forever strong..does not give the right to any one to hurt her anymore.. she is dishonest but safe from the cruel world...
is it not alright to stay like this rather than exposing your vulnerability to the world.. a world that does not care...

as far as the crack is concerned... that will happen anyways... then y not stay strong rude , yet happy though artificially for some time...

then some will go on..

she is been bad,
she has been rude,
she has been cribbing, with a lot of attitude,
love her not, my dear heart,
for love has already torn her apart...
and your love will only become another dart..